


"Breaking the Cycle"

by WritingWithADinosaur



Category: Ant-Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Depression, F/M, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-30 01:11:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17214236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingWithADinosaur/pseuds/WritingWithADinosaur
Summary: Some days, you can handle your normal day-to-day tasks. You can function normally and get things done. But then there are some days (or even weeks) where you need a little help doing even getting out of bed.





	"Breaking the Cycle"

**Author's Note:**

> Scott Lang x Reader
> 
> Key: Y/N = Your Name, H/C = Your Hair Color, E/C = Your Eye Color
> 
> Warnings: Mental Health Issues (Depression, Anxiety, Bad Thoughts, Self-Loathing)
> 
> Song lyrics are from “Heat of the Moment” by Asia. A current favorite of mine.

Today was going to be one of _those_ days. You hadn’t even been awake for more than 15 minutes before your brain started “The Cycle”, as you called it.

_**Phase 1 - Depression and Self-Hatred.** ___

__You were still trying to figure out what you wanted to really do with your life. For now, you were working two part time jobs and living with your boyfriend, Scott, and his buddy, Luis. You worked at a cafe a few blocks away as well as at the X-Con Security Consultants business that the boys were running. You weren’t an ex-con, but you knew more about business than the boys, so you helped run the logistical side of things. As great as it was to live with Scott and have a job in the first place, you knew that working these two jobs was not what you wanted to do for the rest of your life._ _

__Because of this, your depression labeled that a failure._ _

___You still don’t know what you’re doing? Everyone else you know is either getting a degree or already in the field they want to be in. What are you doing? When are you gonna get your pathetic self up and get your shit together? Why the fuck even try at this point._ _ _

__That last thought paralyzed you. Your internal demons dug their claws into your limbs and pinned you to your mattress, leaving you staring at the wall. You didn’t even check what time it was or if anyone had tried to text you._ _

__Scott was already up and about for the day. His 3 years of house arrest was over, so he was taking advantage of his newly regained freedom. He had made plans with Cassie to go to some trampoline gym, and then lunch at their favorite diner. So you didn’t really have to worry about him for a few hours at least. You loved your boyfriend. But you _really_ didn’t want to have to pretend to be okay around him or anyone else when you had no motivation or energy like this._ _

__You could hear Luis rushing to get his things together and heading to the office._ _

___Shit. You didn’t set your alarm last night, idiot. That means it’s at least 9AM. There’s no way you can get your dumbass up and ready in the next 10 minutes. Thank god you don’t have to work at the cafe today. Again, why the hell do you even try?_ _ _

__You were supposed to go with him and get some work done with him, Kurt, and Dave. But you couldn’t even find the energy to get out of bed and tell him. So you shot him a quick text._ _

___(Y/N): Hey. I gotta work from home today. Really not feeling good rn. Sorry._ _ _

__Luis knocked on your door a minute later but didn’t open it. He spoke through the closed door._ _

__“No worries, (Y/N/N)! I gotchu! I’ll let you know if anything happens at the office. Text me if you need anything.”_ _

__“Will do. Thanks.” You managed to be loud enough since you heard his footsteps and the front door close. You took a deep breath and tried to figure out how to go about today._ _

___Wow. You can’t even manage to get up and tell Luis yourself? Pathetic._ _ _

__You tried to not let your brain speak too much more. Instead, you picked up your phone to check social media and respond to some texts. On days like this, Youtube and Netflix were your best friends._ _

___**Phase 2 - Overthinking.** _ _ _

__You hadn’t paid any attention to the time. The last time you’d looked at the clock on your phone, it was 9:45AM. After your video was over, you got a text from Scott._ _

___Scott: Hey there, honey! Cassie and I are finishing up lunch. I’m gonna drop her off and then be on my way back._ _ _

__You read the message but had to go back and reread the word “lunch.” It couldn’t be lunchtime! But when you checked the time on your phone. 12:45PM._ _

___Did you really just lay in bed and watch YouTube videos for three fucking hours?! Now you’re not going to have time to do much of anything. So much of your day is gone. You didn’t even have breakfast. You were supposed to be getting better at eating. And now you’re slipping and forgetting to eat again. Fuck. Just tell Scott what you told Luis and then figure out what to do later._ _ _

___(Y/N): Okay. I didn’t go into the office today. So I’ll be at home when you get here.”_ _ _

___Scott: Luis told me. You okay?_ _ _

__You couldn’t help but pause. You weren’t okay, but you didn’t want to tell Scott that._ _

___If you tell him, he’ll worry about you, and he just had a great day with Cassie. You don’t want to ruin his day, do you? What if you tell him and he gets upset? He already has so many other things to worry about. Do not add to that list. But if you don’t tell someone what’s going on, how are things going to go better? Maybe things are just meant to be bad for you. But Scott isn’t bad. Scott’s good. He makes you happy. He knows you have issues. Why not just tell him that you’re not okay?_ _ _

__Your mind just kept repeating this and adding new worst case scenarios in your mind. It apparently had taken more than a few minutes because it took your phone vibrating in your hand to break you out of that loop. Looking down, you had three messages from Scott.  
 _Scott: Babe?__ _

___Scott: Are you okay?_ _ _

___Scott: I’m going to drive Cassie home now. I’ll call when I drop her off. Love you._ _ _

__You hit your hand on your forehead and took a few deep breaths._ _

___Well fuck. Now you have Scott worried. This is what we were trying to avoid! Add that to the list of fuck ups._ _ _

___**Phase 3 - Struggle.** _ _ _

__You somehow managed to sit up on the edge of your bed and text Scott back._ _

___(Y/N): Sorry! I kind of zoned out for a bit. I’m fine. Wasn’t feeling good this morning. Drive safe!”_ _ _

__After that sent, you got up for the first time today and went to the bathroom. You decided that you needed to eat something, so after relieving yourself and then tying your hair up, you trudged into the kitchen and pulled various fruit from the fridge. As soon as you had the various containers out, you really didn’t want to spend time cutting everything. So you just threw a handful of each into a bowl and went back to your room._ _

__You got back in bed and picked at the fruit while watching more YouTube. You knew you had a list of things that you were supposed to do today: Shower, laundry, clean the kitchen, work on the write up for the Koham family’s security system that they wanted. But you didn’t have the energy to do any of that._ _

___**Back to Phase 1 - Depression.** _ _ _

__More time went by than you thought. What only seemed like 15 minutes or so really turned out to be 45. You only realized this when you heard the front door open and a familiar voice go throughout the apartment._ _

__“(Y/N/N)?”_ _

__“In here.” You tried your hardest to be loud enough. It was just enough. Scott’s footsteps got closer until the bedroom door opened and he popped his head in. He smiled when he first saw you, but then he saw that you were still curled in bed at almost 2PM. Something was off and he knew it._ _

__“Hey there, lovebug.” He walked in and sat on the edge of the bed right next to you. You sat up against the headboard and gave him the best smile you could manage right now. “What’s goin’ on?”_ _

__You shook your head to the side and gave a face before looking at your hands._ _

__“It’s nothing. Just not really feelin’ good today.” Your answer didn’t ease his worry any. He took one of your hands in his and ran his thumb across the back._ _

__“It doesn’t sound like ‘nothing.’” He took his free hand and put it across your forehead for a moment. “You don’t feel like you have a fever.” You shook your head “no.” “So tell me what’s going on.”_ _

__Taking a deep breath in, you ignored everything going on in your head that said to not tell him. You couldn’t meet his eyes as you talked._ _

__“It’s my head. It’s not a very fun or kind place to be. And it’s honestly hard to do _anything_ today.” Scott took a beat to understand what you meant by that. He knew you’d had problems with your mental health in the past, but he had never really seen you like this._ _

__“Do you want to talk about it?” You just shook your head “no.” “Okay. What can I do to help you right now?”_ _

__“Just lay here with me for a bit. I just want to lay here and watch YouTube videos and not think.”_ _

__Your voice started to break after the first sentence. You felt so weak and stupid asking for this. You felt like you should be stronger than this. A stray tear raced down your cheek. Scott quickly wiped it away and held your face in his hands._ _

__“Hey! Its okay!” He kissed the top of your head and pulled you into a hug. You wrapped your arms around him and sat there for a minute. He gently rocked you side to side and ran his fingers up and down your spine. Once you calmed down, he pulled away so he could look at your face. He wiped the tear tracks off your cheeks and gave you a smile before standing up and holding his hands out._ _

__“C’mon. We can lay around and watch all of YouTube or movies you want. But you need a change of scenery.” You closed your eyes and sighed. You knew he was right, but you were really comfy in bed. You slapped your hands into his as he hoisted you up out of bed and onto his shoulder and proceed to walk to the kitchen._ _

__“SCOTT LANG! WHAT THE HELL?!” You couldn’t help but scream and laugh at the sudden change of angle. He fake groaned as he plopped you on your feet and leaned towards you._ _

__“Figured that would be quicker! And more fun!” He gave you one of his trademark goofy smiles before kissing your cheek and walking to the fridge. You sat down at one of the chairs nearby. “By the lack of dishes in the sink, I’m assuming you haven’t eaten much of anything today?” You looked down and started to play with your hands. “Alright. What are you in the mood for?”_ _

__Scott then proceeded to make you some mac and cheese while you played some music from your phone. You had started to help Scott at one point, just to make sure he wouldn’t burn anything. While you waited for the pasta to cook, Scott started to dance to the song that was blasting through your small speaker. Causing you to laugh at his ridiculous moves. He pulled you close to him and sang along to the song while you tried to control your laughter._ _

___“And now you find yourself in eighty two__ _

___The disco hot spots hold no charm for you_ _ _

___You can’t concern yourself with bigger things_ _ _

___You catch the pearl and ride the dragon’s wings_ _ _

___'Cause it’s the heat of the moment_ _ _

___Heat of the moment, the heat of the moment_ _ _

___Shone in your eyes_ ”_ _

__During the guitar solo, Scott leaned down and kissed your cheek. You could feel him smile against your cheek as he kissed you. You turned and caught his lips with yours for a quick smooch. When you pulled away, you looked at his dorky face and smiled._ _

__“Thank you, Scotty.” Scott tilted his head in confusion like a puppy._ _

__“There’s nothin’ to thank me for, lovebug.”_ _

__“Yes there is. You got me up and smiling. That’s no easy task when I’m stuck in a cycle.” Scott just nodded and smiled._ _

__“Well, I’m glad I could help break that cycle. Even if its temporary.” You were taken aback by that. For once, you weren’t thinking about the future or how this was all bound to come up again. Scott saw your expression change as you looked down a bit. He tilted your chin back up to look at him before you could go too far though. “And if/when you get stuck in this cycle again, you can tell me and I’ll do what I can to try to help. Alright?”_ _

__You felt tears welling up in your eyes as you nodded “yes.” Scott gave you another one of his big smiles and kissed you again, his hands finding their way to your back and yours to the back of his neck. Before things could go any further, Luis walked in with Dave and Kurt, all three of them hooting and hollering at the sight of you two kissing. You leaned your forehead on Scott’s shoulder as he scolded the trio._ _

__“Oh yeah, so mature! Just cause you guys can’t get a girl as good as (Y/N/N) doesn’t mean you can come in and ruin our moment!"_ _

__Scott then leaned down to whisper in your ear. “When the three amigos over there go out to the bar later tonight, we can get pretty sudzy here too.” You looked at him quizzically. “You. Me. Shower later.” It clicked in your head and you let out an “Oh! Gotcha!”_ _

__You laughed at Scott’s attempt at being smooth and kissed his cheek before checking on your pasta. Scott went to go give his boys shit for being immature. While you stirred the pot of water and noodles and looked over your shoulder at the four men joking around, you realized that you were smiling. Something you didn’t think you were going to be doing much of when today started as rough as it did._ _

__Yeah, these types of days where you were so stuck in your own head sucked. But you were beyond thankful to have someone like Scott in your life to help you slowly figure out how to break that awful cycle._ _


End file.
